Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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