dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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