I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
