Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
