I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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