Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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