Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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