Just fell off a train. Bad.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
