I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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