I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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