she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
