Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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