guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
