3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
