at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
