I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
