i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
