a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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