Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
