I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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