EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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