Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize