so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
