This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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