you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
