did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
