Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
