remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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