THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
