You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
