Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
