If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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