so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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