Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He passed out mid-signature
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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