Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
