her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
