it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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