if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
