singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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