We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
