His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize