She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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