And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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