I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
