ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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