I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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