There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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