i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
