If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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