I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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