yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
