I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
