i think my mom watched the whole time
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
