swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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