people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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