i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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