i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
