ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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