Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
