If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
