He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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