It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
