Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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