Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
