im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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