just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
