I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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