Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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