Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
