she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
