I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
